They sat across from each other at our dining room table. They had laughed at that table. Shared meals with friends at that table. Celebrated birthdays at that table. Worked alongside each other at that table. She had told him we were expecting a baby sitting at that table. And nine months later, their marriage broke in an irreparable way at that table.

Throughout their relationship and even post-divorce, the same sentiment was maintained. They both just wanted to be happy. Life can be hard. It can fall apart. But with people you deeply and genuinely care about, sometimes you want nothing more than for them to find happiness even if it isn’t together.

It’s a beautifully empowering moment when you realize your happiness isn’t derived from a person, place, business or bank account. Other people don’t hold the key to your happiness. They may momentarily hurt you. They may make you sad. But you determine the longevity of that pain. Happiness isn’t a state where you’ve been or a destination you’re heading. It’s the journey between those two points. The ups, the downs, the lessons, the mistakes, the experiences and relationships that shaped you into the person you are today. It’s about listening to your own heart, setting your own intentions and enforcing boundaries. Happiness comes from the things you can control. Not the things you can’t.

You control what you think. You control what you talk about. You control what you eat. You control who you hang out with. How kind you are. What you believe. Your effort. How you invest your time. How you spend your money.  You are in control of your priorities. If you aren’t happy with something about yourself or an area in your life, deeply examine those things you’re in control of and change the behaviors which rob you of contentment.

Stop letting your happiness be determined by other people and their actions or insecurities. Focus on the things you can control and happiness will ensue. Being happy is a very personal matter which has nothing to do with anyone else.